Now that I've Admitted to Belching Often ...

... I mean, well, being old. I guess I can talk a bit about it. I went to the Doctor with a list. 1. I burp too much, 2. I had a tick bite on my abdomen that wouldn't heal. 3. A bump on my foot that bleeds when I hike 10 or so miles, 4. I needed to establish a relationship with a Doctor for a change.

All pretty minor stuff. The Doctor talked about my history, did I smoke, drink, whatever. family health, hypertension, blood pressure. How old I was ...

Suddenly we were all talking about a physical and screenings for colon cancer ... and she was putting on that single glove. Ok -- well what about the bumb on my foot, I am saying ... We'll get to that later, once we do all this other stuff.

I see the Gastroentorologist, or whatever. I still have no idea why I burp so much. I ask -- he's not sure. I explain about the Grand Canyon and being force plunged into the river and the water being forcwd into my stomach and lungs ... and how I had giardia and was treated for it and when that started all the burbing, and does that have anything to do withit, is it a bad "flora" or a yeast, can we test for that? I have a lot of questions.

"No."

Wellso I had the colonoscopy, now recommended for folks over 40 with a history of colon cancer in the family. 50 other wise. I also had an endoscopy, which is recommended for folks with a lot of gas and pain shortly after swallowing right in the general vicinity of the heart. I am sure this is going to be a real blast ... I am thinking, remembering my father's drinking 750 gallons of liquid to clean him out, all in a single night.

So, like I said, I had the thing. I drank the go-litely (now just a half gallon). I went in and had the morphine (the only real drug that I had never tried). I don 't remember any of it. It was done in a few hours. I saw the pictures. I heard about the 5 different biopsies. I liked the morphine -- I could get used to that.

One of the biopsied polyps was pre-cancerous. Every thing else was normal, and that I have an inflammed esophagus and stomach, and no explanation of why. I lived. I should continue to live. The tick bite has formed a decently ugly scar which may never go away. I don't seem to have lyme disease. The dermatologist scraped off the bump on my toe and had it biopsied ... Again normal. I don't have any intestinal parasites.

I still have no idea why I burp so much. I take a drug called protonix every day which helps -- but I am not going to take it forever. There' no real indication that it will stop the gas after it's done, or that the inflammation will subside.

I am not sure I am entirely right after all that. My throat is irritated and I have a twingy pain sometimes in my stomach. My faith in medical science is slightly a jar. My confidence that drinking from the Colorado River isn't that great of an idea, is still pretty intact, however.