When You're in Hell, Do as the Hellians Do.

One of the serious troubles here in Hell, is just how hot it gets in the summer, One doesn't really want to plan a century ride on the fourth of July unless one can manage to arrange for a hydration IV and portable on the bike air conditioner. This is not to suggest that it can't be done, but could I please have/get someone else to carry all the water I will need.

Last year on the 2nd of July, my normally happy riding buddy and I did an eleven mile hike. Our first hike together ever, methinks, during which I swear, he was trying to kill me. Honestly, something, exhaustion, heat, falling on my a**, was killing me; let's just say it was memorable, and I never had the pleasure of waiting for him. He wasn't responsible, however. We started at 6:00 AM. It is normal to start anything here in Hell at or before dawn, also known as dark o'clock, which is just unGodly freaking early in AZ. It might be better to start right after dark, the ground is usually too hot to walk on for several hours after dark. By the time we had finished this hike it was 4 liters of liquid and 5 hours later and 109 °F.

Since I missed the Santa Fe Century ride on May 21 -- due to scheduling the Palm Ride for the Cure in CA, and since no one in this entire valley does any exercise in the summer, I'll be trying to ride my century Apr 08, 2006, during the Desert Classic, which starts and ends at a pizza joint in Glendale, meaning 2 things; some of the trip will be flat, and there will be food, and I won't be ready. Some of the trip may be very hilly too, which I am sure I deserve, since I signed up for a hell hilly for many miles hilly ride in a few months and then bought a very tall set of gears.

Since I know that the century is indeed too early in my training -- I signed up for one of the century or metric, and I will do whichever I feel like based on the training plan and map. One thing I don't want to do is come home in a cab.

Palm is going to give me my first piece of riding specific clothing ever. You must be wondering what kind of pedals I have on that bike -- if I don't have any riding clothing. I rode my Centurion enough so that I ripped the bottom bracket out of the frame -- and I never had any riding shoes or shorts. I did have toe clips, which is what I currently have on the Ferrari (the new bike has a name!). This morning when I was over at the cafe of the beautiful people, the cute coffee mommy asked me, "What are you doing?"

"I am going for a ride", says I.

"On your motorcycle?" Everyone here in Hell has a powered something or other or a desert destroyer vehicle.

"No on my bicycle, 20 miles."

"Wow, that's a long way, are you going to wear all those clothes?," she says, pointing outside where all the gayly dressed roadracers will all sit later. "And be a dork?," I add to the sentence in my head.

"No, that shit is really expensive." I don't want to spend like that just now, is what I am thinking.

So, what do you do with a leg warmer when you remove it? Where do you put it? I am not getting this quite yet. Do I need padded shorts? You put chamois butt'r -- where? Does the stuff (not the chamois butt'r -- the clothes) have to be so gayly colored? Can I get in grey? I want to wear the little CSU Hayward pioneer T in grey -- some cheap REI shorts -- shoes that don't have wheels on them or any lights, a pair of socks, and an off-white coffee stained oxford shirt with cab fare in the pocket. I think I need to be the art student sitting in the back row on the desk again; can I stay an outlaw here?

I have a huge amount of resistance to the riding specific clothing. Have you noticed?